…Equals a repetitive cycle of unintended self-torture.
At some point in your life, you will invest your feelings on someone who is not going make it worth your while. You will know this; the trade-off is not advantageous on your end, you give more than you take and the proportions are disturbingly uneven. Finally, you swear to yourself that you will walk away. You take a step out of the door. The conviction is there.
Just not quite enough.
Low and behold, you accept the apology (society has succumbed to the notion that there is a currency for forgiveness in the form of roses, endearing words and red velvet cupcakes). Not because he’s worth it, but mostly out of habit.
He succeeds. And suddenly all logic is lost on your end. Your sense of reason is muted and dulled by his charm. You welcome his quips with a laughter that knows no holding back. You hate how he gets you, like a book he’s read a thousand times over; a road he can travel with his eyes closed.
You rest in the comfort of his side as he pulls you in; you convince yourself that you belong there – and that no one else will figure out how to love the parts of him that are difficult. The method to his madness, and how to calm him down is your forte. It is self-assurance at its worst and delusion at best.
Come to think of it, we are tragic beings in our own right: “settling for the love we think we deserve” –as that overly quoted statement from Perks of Being a Wallflower goes.
Before you know it, it’s no longer love that is responsible for your decision to stay. Sometimes you stay because you want to be the one that makes him better. You want to be good enough for them to drop their vices or womanizing habits. Sadly, love is often replaced by the need for self-assurance. For once, you just want to be good enough.
And that’s the problem.
The truth is, That’s not for you to decide. You can’t change anybody. They’ll have to want that for themselves. And the sooner you start to accept that and let nature take its course on things instead of forcing your intentions, albeit good ones, the easier it gets.